Roy Brush has aspirations to be a great footballer and this seems likely when he scores for England in the European Cup Final. To add to this he becomes a national hero, having seemingly saved a young lad from drowning. But Roy has a secret - he is gay - and the editor of the scurrilous 'Scum' tabloid is making it his business to out him. However, with the help of his manager, Roy can triumph at an inspirational climactic football match, where his tears touch the heart of the nation - and pundit Jimmy Twizzle gets very high on mushroom tea.

Keith Allen
Roy Brush

Peter Richardson
Kevin

Antony Sher
Scum Editor
Chris Hargreaves
Leslie

Nigel Planer
Club Chairman/Waiter

Paul Moriarty
Club Manager

Simon McBurney
Mick

Sara Stockbridge
Janet
Robert Carwithen
Terry

Phil Cornwell
Jimmy Twizzle/Wiggy

William Armstrong
Sports Presenter

Sandra Voe
Roy's Mother
Martha Ross
Leslie's Mother

Mark Caven
Dick Wibbly

David Cardy
Trevor Moulton